Friday, August 29, 2008

The Pen is...

Every time we give a pen to someone, it's like a contract has been signed, the pen must be returned - with thanks! If not, then the person goes into our bad pen borrowers list and the next time he wants it, the answer is - No man, I have only one ;)

The problem arises when we lend our pen to a higher power, like a Prof or an HR or someone of that rank. It's like this, after they finish using the pen, they can do 2 things -

1. Either return it
2. Forget about returning it.

If they return it, then that's fine, they smile - thanks you and its over. You smile as if you just saved their lives and the pen was their life support system and then feel good about yourself and your pen; that's it, life goes on.

But... if they forget, wow! The world comes crashing down. What do you do? Well 2 things:

1. Ask for it
2. Forget about it

If you choose option 2, then you always remember the great betrayal. "That man/woman cannot be trusted with a Lexi 5, leave alone anything of higher value!"

But if you ask for it, then there are a lot of complications -

1. The borrower may think that you're accusing them of having bad intentions about your pen.
2. Are you so petty that you're obsessed with a 5 rupee pen?
3. I was about to return it on my own, how dare he ask me!


When is it the right moment to ask for the pen to be returned? What are the right words? I shouldn't sound too aggressive! I shouldn't be submissive! It's my pen, its my pen... give it back you @!#$#@!!!
"Uhhh, excuse me ma'am... uhhh... I think that's my pen... uhhh... hehe..." [WTF I dont "think" it's my pen, it IS my pen, give it back you pen stealing bitch (or bastard if male) ]
"Ohh... I'm so sorry, i must've forgotten, here, thanks a lot" [Ofcourse she forgot, what a louse I am, look at her smile... she obviously forgot, I shouldn't have asked her]
"Your welcome ma'am... thank you"

All of a sudden, you're the one who's feeling bad about asking... what was I thinking man! In fact, she should keep it.

If its a girl and she's hot, then its very tempting to ask her back for the pen, in fact you hope she doesn't give it back on her own and you get a chance to have the upper hand!

Story:

Hot girl in the bank forgets her pen. Me having a lucky day have exactly what she needs. She fumbles looking frantically in her purse, but it's not there... thank you lord! You step in, "umm... you can have my pen" She flashes that lovely smile and takes it, by god she is so hot, if i put a picture of her next to a jug of water, the water would turn into steam! "I'll just take five minutes with your pen", she says. You can take as long as you want, babe!
Then she forgets about the ownership rights of the pen and puts it back in her purse. The lord is my savior... now is the time to strike.
[Excuse me, could I have my pen back, and maybe you could write down your phone number with it on a paper and hand that back to me as a return gift]

"Uhhh... I think that's my pen... hehe" [that hehe was unnecessary]
"Ohhh... I'm so sorry... i have such a bad memory... thanks a lot" [Oh man, that smile is oh so sweet]
She gives the pen back... time is slipping away, fuck the phone number, I don't even have her name. Be a man - "My name is..." , the smile on her face becomes wider and she says, "I'm Shweta" [Awesome! Now if only i could get her phone number] But then that's the end of that. Her work is done, she turns around giving me a smile and walks away. Even watching her walk away is a pleasing sight!

Suddenly, I'm the one in front of the counter, the frustrated, fat, hideous lady at the counter needs to sign on a slip, she too can't find her pen. This time, neither can I!

Epilogue -
How many hot chics are there in your bank? How many of them are called Shweta? Not that tough to find someone in that kind of a shortlist. The pen is indeed mightier than the sword!

3 comments:

Amit J said...

Awesome!

Shantanu said...

Thankfully you dint indulge in a slip-of-the-key and omit the space between the last two words in the title...
seriously,when i read the title, i was expecting a risque post ;)

jokes apart, good observation and analysis...

Harshvardhan Pande said...

When i actually wrote the title, i did have a slip-of-the-key, but that'd scare off half of my readership so i decided to go with the almost 'risque' title ;)