Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dream Apti

Not having given an apti in over a month, I'll be giving quite a few now, that too for the Dream Co's.
This should be some great high pressure fun!
R S Aggarwal, do give me your blessings ;)

Avoid Using Mobiles While Driving

Saturday, June 28, 2008

PCMC - MyMiniCity

Divine Justice

This rickshaw driver, probably frustrated, was having a great time by driving on puddles of water and splashing muck on hapless pedestrians. Later, at a traffic light; an elderly woman sitting in a bus barfed from her window all over the rickshaw's windscreen.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Oh Great Throat Virus/Bacteria/Germ I Bow To Thee

Let's face it, I am at the mercy of something 3000 times smaller than me [if you know me, then you'll know i'm talking about something really tiny]
I don't know what it is, but i just want it to know - I surrender!
It's happened maybe a hundred times since childhood, but each time it's just as bad. It starts with a rash in the throat. Early morning, one feels like a good gargle will do the trick. But the gargle is just a bloody waste of hot water boiled on costly LPG.
Then comes the self assuring Strepsils phase. How i wish a weird tasting red/orange/green toffee sold as medicine would help me, but it's an addiction; one just can't help it.
A sore throat without tulsi ki chai is like Baywatch without Pamela Anderson. But then it doesn't really help much.
I pray to my throat and the WBC [white blood corpuscles], do your job men! But all they can do is make me cough.

Then comes the bad part, even a glass of harmless water make one think twice. Am i that thirsty, do i really need to feel the stinging sensation each time i swallow. Why cant they just make a makeshift tube that bypasses the throat.
Bloody fools, keep sending people to the moon and fucking robots to Mars to find ice and here i am sucking on useless Strepsils wondering whether i should drink water!
What is there on Mars that interests them more than finding a cure to the common cold and the more common sore throat.?
Well, in my mood of frustration, i cant even yell at the idiotic scientists of the world, but i do get majorly pissed at the NASA guy who claims he found ice on Mars; when here i am unable to drink the basic liquid my body needs - water!

By mid afternoon i've had at least a litre of the famed miraculous tulsi ki chai! But alas, the germs are still on a rampage. Just when i feel that all is lost and the situation can't get worse, i realize that all is not lost and that i could lose more and the situation could get worse. The thermometer reads 102, the wonderful Crocin is then shoved down my agitated throat.

Fortunately Crocin is like Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft, it does it's job really well.
Then I start watching an episode of House MD and pray to God that I don't have one of the House special diseases which just can't be detected until the very end. Secondly I dont have a House MD type doctor in Pune.

People seem to be awfully nice when you are sick. I wonder if it is the irritating noise of the throat clearing which attracts them in hordes. Maybe it's the smell of Vicks Vapourub that is more powerful than the Axe Effect, which makes women just lunge for me and give me a hug. If only it worked on Hot Women! Maybe my fever makes me hot [having thought about it, it actually does make me hot, but i dont enjoy it as much as when i am normal]

Eventually the Throat Enemy finally has pity on me, I realize that somehow something worked. Haven't ever figured out what exactly it is that works, but Mom always thinks its the tulsi ki chai [i never tell her that i give most of it to the poor Money plant in my balcony] ;)

Maybe if the brains of the world would have some more time off from hunting ice on Mars they'd find a cure for the running noses and aching throats of this world... but until then I'll readily drink tulsi ki chai and enjoy the new flavors of Strepsils [latest flavor was pineapple... yummy!]

Monday, June 23, 2008

How to Fake It

10 tips on the best ways of Faking It. Compiled from the memoirs of 9 Unsatisfied Women and Christiano Ronaldo!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Placement Week - Day One

Well, first thing's first... COEP placements RULE!!!
Seriously, day one and 213 people placed. That's freaking awesome!
Another dozen companies yet to go; I am sure the rule of just 1 job per slot will have to be changed soon enough.

Well, in keeping with my principle of not divulging my personal details on the blog I wont tell you which company I got placed in or what the package was; just this much I can say - I got it over with on the 1st day itself!

COEP, keep it going man; I'm just getting warmed up!

The Secret Theorem

A secret, well; we all have them. And we all tell some secret of ours to someone at some point in time. Some of us regret it and some dont.
Here is another - useless, for the non-intellectually elite, and very useful for the Intellectually Elite junta - theorem.


The Secrets Theorem:

A secret that is divulged remains a secret in its true form only if the chain of "secret divulgers" is such that it doesn't include the one who the secret is to be kept a secret from.


Which basically means that if Mr. X has a secret and divulges is to Mr. A, then the secret remains a secret only as long as the chain which will inevitably begin at Mr. A doesn't end up reaching Mr. X. If it does reach Mr. X then Mr. A will be in for some trouble.

Corollary -
If Mr. X chooses a Ms. Y then the chances of his secret no longer remaining a secret increase by upto 256%

Basic point is if you have a secret then dude; keep it in your head. Your head fortunately cant divulge it, you can only trust your head, not Mr. A's head. Because Mr. A's head has a problem; his ear will hear the phrase "Don't tell it to anyone", but somehow it wont register. He will tell it to someone and use the same phrase again! That's the beginning of the chain...

Placements ke achhe Side Effects

Well, now that I am done with my interview and thankfully i have at least one job in hand I can afford to switch back to dreaming occasionally about this:

Instead of only this:

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Browser Devtaa Ki Jai Ho!

Carrying on with my latest tradition of Hinglish / Englindi post titles, here is another post for the IE junta [Intellectually Elite].

Firefox 3 is finally here, and frankly it's just as great as you'd expect! IE8 [Internet Explorer] better be careful, in the past 3 years I may have used IE just about 8 times. Can't imagine life without tabbed browsing and FLV downloads!

BTW i just read this awesome wikipedia page about Bruce Lee and then saw this video YouTube - One inch punch by Bruce Lee
Pretty Impressive!
Besides that, I was busy getting bored reading some crap that I should know but dont know even though I am in final year of engineering. For example, what is the output of the following:


Now, wait a minute; why in the name of Yashvant Kanetkar would anyone type just "printf("%d");" unless of course he was a retard or he wanted to show off how well he has mugged up Test Your C Skills!
Now you know what kind of crap I am reading ;)

Then ofcourse in between I have my usual duels on Tribal Wars with neighboring villages. Phone call frequency has generally increased, especially with fellow Airtel users calling up regularly.

Now for the title of the post, the fact is that most of the things I do on the comp nowadays is online; so i thought I'd praise the Browser Gods a little; especially with the latest version of Firefox out, I think it is an auspicious occasion to say

Browser Devtaa Ki Jai Ho!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Placement ke side effects

Here is some research for psychologists all around the world, what makes a young lad of 20 dream about this picture:

Instead of something like this picture:

Well, the answer is simple; the lust for a big pay package is far more powerful than the lust of the ... well, you get what I mean.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Market

The Market... I've used this term a lot with my friends off late, and I thought it's time to share it on my blog. It all starts with a simple question - Are You In The Market?

It encompasses a whole lot of sub-questions. To say yes to the above question directly implies all the sub-questions. A "no" to the question is ambiguous because that can mean a 'no' to any or all of the sub-questions.

"Are You In The Market?" implies:

1. Are you single?
2. Are you available?
3. Are you looking around?

Now we come to a different but related topic of interest - The Market.
The Market is composed of any or all sites that are possible areas for meeting people who Are In The Market.
A very important point, The Market does not involve buying or selling as such... it's just called The Market. Generally; Market zones are clubs, discos, cafes etc.

It's pretty difficult to ask all the 3 sub-questions to a person of the opposite gender in whom you have an interest. If a girl is single, she may not still be available; if a guy is single, he may not be looking for someone [this happens very rarely, and such guys are either really awesome or really sucky], and other such combinations of reasons may be present. So asking a simple question about one's Market status can result in finding out a lot in a single stroke.

So, Are You In The Market?

Saturday, June 7, 2008

The Project Group Funda

The past 2 months, we had exams, tests, apti's etc. But the one thing that was constantly on everyone's mind was "Where will I do my B. Tech Project and with whom?"
Well, that answer has come for me today. But this post is not about me or any one person or group. It's in a way related to all the people in my class, and actually everyone in TY who have now gone to B. Tech!

The project group funda is very complicated and has so many dimensions to it, but I've narrowed it down to just 3 -

1. GPA
2. Friendship
3. Trust

Different people have different levels of importance attached to each of the 3 dimensions.

Now, on the day of reckoning, i.e. either when you have to choose a company or submit your group names, here is what the mind really ponders -

So what is the right choice, frankly nothing. Some people are under the misconception that its only the GPA and Company that matters; other blindly believe that friendship is all there is to life. The fact remains that there will be casualties at the end, groups do break; friendships at the rare times do end. But it is not the result that matters; it is the process. The fact that you break/join/create a group is immaterial; in fact breaking of groups is almost inevitable. 70% of groups formed, end up being changed in some way or the other.

The fact that makes you a villain or a hero at the end of the day is not how well you look after your own prospects - that is a necessity - it is how well you can manage the 3 dimensions of the group.

It is the reason you cite for leaving a group that makes the difference between being branded as a traitor or a true friend, a trustworthy person or a back stabbing egotist. One crucial factor i have noticed is that people who make their moves way too early in the game end up suffering the most; while those who stick on with friends for the longest period possible, end up being the happiest.

The reason being that unless you're a born traitor; you will have a conscience; and it will prick you if you screw someone in the thought of going ahead; while the man you have screwed; if he is worth his salt, always tries to bounce back. As Gregory David Roberts suggested in Shantaram "the will of the man who tries to survive is always greater than that of the man who tries to destroy." Thus the return will start, luck will then play its part. If you find luck on your side then your rise shall be swift and in a span of no more than weeks, tables will be turned. The powerless will suddenly find themselves with power and those who had power initially will have their minds gnawing with fear and doubt. Fear that what they did to others, may just happen to them; doubt as to when they will be betrayed.

A wise man once said, "... what happens to you in your bad time is more or less decided by what you did in your good time." I think that wise man is the author of this blog ;)

But more than a question of who did what, it's about seeing the path through all the fog. Finding your destination in the midst of the misty valley. The bottomline is, it's just a freaking B. Tech project!

But the real bottomline is it's also got 18 credits!!
The super bottomline is, this stuff happens every year!!!
The ultra bottomline is, just take it easy; everything works out in the end!!!!

The super ultra bottomline is that the real deal is doing it well, enjoying the process and leaving behind the mess that is at times created while the group formations are on.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Public Declaration

This blog is meant for people who have nothing to do, and who can afford to read interesting stuff. I call them "Intellectually Elite" [IE]. If you are a first time visitor to the blog, then one thing's for sure, you have good taste or you are a friend of mine who has been forced to come on this blog because I keep repeatedly showing the link on Gtalk or both.
Some things you should know -

1. This blog is meant for adults, no it contains no nudity or porn. But if you're a kid you won't understand most of the jokes. If you are from COEP then you'll enjoy it more because approximately 23.14521% of the posts are dedicated to criticizing the wonderful place we call our college.

2. At times the posts may contain profanity, that is, the occasional F word. Now if thats a problem for you then please "F Off"

3. If you are a guy then you will enjoy most of the posts. If you are a girl you will still enjoy the posts. If you are neither of them, then I'd like to know how you have an internet connection!

4. If you are not from COEP, then Good Luck with your life. You can still enjoy the case taking that happens on the blog.

5. If you are from a News Channel, then be prepared to feel bad, because I literally criticize the hell out of you and your kind. Actually it's good for you, it means that I do watch some of your pathetic shows, even though it is not out of choice.

6. If you are Megan Fox, then please mail me; yes I will see you. If I am committed then I will break up, if I am single then there's no issue. If your looking for a one night stand, I do that also.

For other issues, I will deal with them as soon as I notice them. So do read the blog posts.

P.S. I was chatting with a close friend of mine and this is what I said to her w.r.t. this Blog.

"...on some of my worst days, the blog is the only reason i wake up... on all other days its one of the reasons i wake up, the others being hunger and lust"

The Financial Times

Time is like money, it too has a bank. It's called Life. Your age is the amount you've withdrawn. The only drawback is that there's no passbook where you can verify how much of it is left.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Prayer to The Great Khali

Oh Great Khali
We worship you

Oh Great Khali
You are so Great

Oh Great Khali
We bow before you

Oh Great Khali
You are the Lord Of The Hindi News Channels
The Greatest Phenomenon Ever
You are a living लीजेंड
The King Of Kings
Each time you open your mouth and speak
It creates chaos in the cosmos

Oh Great Khali
Each time you speak
You Break News

Oh Great Khali
Each time there is no important news in the cosmos
We turn to you for help and you bless us

Oh Great Khali
You are Great... why?
Because your name is only "Great" Khali
We will never get bored of you

Oh Great Khali
You are as strong as an Ox
You are as wily as a Fox
You are truly Great

Oh Great Khali
You are the only Indian after Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Who has defeated The Undertaker!

Oh Great Khali
You are Great
You are Great
You are Great!

- Hindi News Channels

Monday, June 2, 2008

Anti Male Chauvinist Order

Yes people, it's true... the Age Of Men is finished. Women have taken over. Traditional rules of the Male Chauvinistic Days are over, for good!

For some this may come as bad news, but for others it means a time for change. I now propose the Anti Male Chauvinist Order:

1. Women are superior to all men, hence they have more power and therefore more responsibilities
[by order of Peter Parker's Uncle]

Detailed meaning: Women who thus far weren't given full freedom to do what they wished shall now have all the power they can handle. This also means greater responsibility.
Women now not only have the weak powers of looking after kids, they also have the power to choose their profession of choice. Hence they are now not only responsible for bringing up the children, but also need to look after finances.

2. Men are only objects for women and are generally useless.

Men have only one responsibility, i.e. to attract women. Men will only be present on earth for the pleasure of women. Since women have taken over this world, and they are superior to men; men shall not be given any responsibilities whatsoever. Since men have to be in a pleasant state of mind to provide their services to women, all their needs must be catered for which are, Booze, Bikes, Gyms, TV, Music, Mobiles.
These 6 basic necessities will not be compromised and will be Constitutionally ensured. Failure to provide these means will mean that the Woman of the House is exploiting her Man.

By Law - Cheerleaders are compulsory at every event, including Birthday Parties.
- 33% Reservation for Males is every govt. institution

Former Male Chauvinistic males were seen welcoming this new World Order. Some men were seen fleeing to countries like Russia and Brazil to ensure strict enforcement of this new Regime.

Watch this space for more on this new Phenomenon!