Friday, May 9, 2008

The Embarrassing Story Theorem a.k.a. The My Cousing/Neighbour/Friend Story Theorem

Embarrassing moments occur in everyone's life, later on in life we tend to laugh at them. But somehow, even years after the incident took place, we still are a little petrified of our weak moments coming out in the open. But the stories are funny; they make people laugh, increase our humour ratings. So how does one narrate a funny realistic story without jeapordizing our carefully constructed reputation....

Simple, start your story with following words, "You know, once this cousin of mine...". And then keep replacing the words, 'me,mine,my' with 'my cousin or my cousin's'. For example, 'I was once watching AXN in the middle of the night and my mom walked in and the show was Hot Babes of Brazil...' will now become, 'My cousin was once watching AXN in the middle of the night and my cousin's mom walked in and the show was Hot Babes of Brazil...'.

You must be careful that you don't repeat 'my cousin' for every story; use other substitutes like your 'friend', in which case you may have to give out a name, which complicates matters, since you do not want the following scenario -
You are narrating a story - "Once Michael was studying in his room and suddenly he saw this hot chic..." and then you suddenly realize that Jimmy is sitting around right now and Jimmy is Michael's best friend and he will obviously report this to Michael and then you're screwed.

In which case, the best option is your next door neighbour. When else will the irritating punk come of use to you?

So now we come to The Embarrassing Story Theorem:

Any embarrassing story can be narrated easily in public without the fear of future embarrassment provided each instance of the word 'me, my, mine, myself' and all other such self-referencing terms are replaced with a worthy and safe substitute like 'friend, cousin, neighbour' etc.

-------------X-------------X-----------X--------X----------X--------X----------------X-----

Interesting Story:

Once my cousin was surfing the net and he suddenly chanced upon some photos of a super hot model, he suddenly felt the need to download them, when suddenly.... the lights went off!

[I had you going there for a while didn't I] :D

6 comments:

Sameer said...

I guess this should be copy righted n taught to children in schools under the name of Pande's theorem embarrassment. =))

Unknown said...

Hey harsh..dis ones Awesome!!!!!!!Loved it..:)

amiodarone said...

nice one!

Anonymous said...

But u gotta be very very careful while narrating it.Liars have to be very smart people.I for one get too excited as i go along, and at the end forget the third person replacement...u got any other theorem/corollary to follow when this happens ;-)?

Harshvardhan Pande said...

I wouldn't call the users of The Embarrassing Story Theorem "Liars". They're just people who're suffering from temporary amnesia w.r.t. the original participants if the events of the story.

Shantanu said...

interesting theorem...